Why Given Me A Thorn Blog Was Shut Down

Back in May I disabled this blog for several months as I prayed about what to do with it. I had just undergone a solid week of intensive counseling and realized my lifetime mindset, the focus of this blog, had been more about my thorns than about the Rose of Sharron, Jesus Christ. Yes, he has been my Lord since childhood, yet I was more prone to focus on the crashing waves and trying to live my life in a way that would glorify God through the pain, rather than with my eyes firmly set on Jesus Himself and let Him unfold His grace through a life lived for Him, regardless of circumstances. Perhaps this seems like a minor semantical change, but it is a profound heart shift in me!

Starting with the very first day in my week in ministry (and continuing to this day), as I experienced significant and unexpected physical healing in several areas, I was so overwhelmed with God's goodness that I didn't have a heart for this blog anymore. If fact, the "Given Me A Thorn" book title is no longer in my plans at all. Yes, I still plan to write address the times we ask for healing and it does not come (as is still my case in some significant areas), but my title, focus, and perspective has simply been changed by the reality that I am defined by Jesus not by my thorns.

Found on Facebook. Would dearly like to credit the artist if anyone can provide the source, please?
Reminds me of the Butterflies and Battle Boots article I wrote.

I am restoring public viewing of this blog as, within the past week, I have has three needs for public access to some of the health resources previously posted here. The "flavor" of this blog will remain focused on Christians and chronic illness, yet my tone will likely be much more in keeping with my current book title, Harvesting Hope From Heartache.

Please "like" my "Jennifer Saake, author" page at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope for ongoing updates on all my writing news. :) I need a few thousand likes to demonstate "platform" to potential book publishers and currently only have a few hundred, so please help and pass the need along in your illness support circles!

Why I Wear Combat Boots

When God Says No

Why would God say "no" to a good request? To a request like Paul's for the removal of his thorn? For our requests for healing?

This week Lysa TerKeurst said, "When God says no, we are sometimes tempted to wonder if He loves us. In reality, it’s because He loves us, He sometimes says no."

To illustrate this she gave a beautiful word picture of how a cake may look done 2/3 of the way through allotted baking time, but if it's pulled from the oven too soon, it collapses. She writes, "The cake couldn’t withstand the pressure of an undone center… and neither can we.
"If we obsess over the cake and make it our whole focus, character atrophies. If we make growing in godliness our obsession and keep our focus on God, our character matures. And a mature character makes for a solid and well done center."

The rest of Lysa's post can be found here: Escaping the Rut of Want

I've said over and over that I believe pain is a gift, though certainly an odd one. The thing that makes it a gift is the way it drives us to dependence on God. If I'm fixated only on my illness, or my desire to be well, I miss out on God's best for me right here, right now, right in the heart of living these trials.

Surviving

Bonnie Gray shared some great thoughts on Surving the In-Bwtween Times today over at (in)Courage. What really stood out to me was her thoughts on John 15:5.

"Abide in me and I in you and you will bear fruit." John 15:5

Abiding doesn’t sound impressive. I doubt it’d make a good marketing slogan or create much buzz in today’s speaking circuit. Kinda archaic compared to our self-made headlines.

Yet, it is the one action Jesus reveals in His secret to living a fruitful life. What does it actually mean? I wondered?

The Greek word for “abide” is Meno

1. to survive

2. to be held

3. to wait

I was stunned. Simply surviving makes a difference to God...

Theme Words

One way God seems to work in my life is through “theme word seasons,” specific life lessons He wants to drive home with me and situations that bring those themes to light over and over until I finally begin to grasp a small portion of what He longs to teach me. Wait resounded in our hearts through the loss of our business and the struggle for my husband to find a new career that truly fit, all in the midst of infertility's endless cycles of hoping and hurting, wanting and worrying, coping and crying.

Waiting has given way to new horizons, a series of theme seasons too numerous to list here, but with one of the most recent being Hope. And then to Hope, God’s spent the last couple of years adding the active pursuit of Joy to my life as well. Here are some of my favorite resources from these three themes:

Wait:
- Hannah’s Prayer Ministries offers support through fertility challenges, including infertility or the death of a baby at any time from conception through early infancy.
- A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank
- The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer (Truly beautiful book, with a written message even more powerful than the photos! This poem was life-changing for me and has been impactful in many lives.)

Hope:
- Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc. Postpartum Depression Support
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg
- Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by me, Jennifer Saake :)

Joy:
- Rest Ministries provides support in the face of chronic pain and illness, including National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week each Sept.
- Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times by Holley Gerth
- The book of Philippians, written by the apostle Paul.
- And a late entry to my list, a blog post I just read this week about trusting God with others' hurts, Gratitude not Guilt

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies” Philippians 4:8-9. (MSG)

Hope in the Shadows

Nearly a year ago I was blessed to share a guest post on the (In)Courage blog. I'm re-posting it here today:

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and Wait….”
How many times has this refrain whispered in our ears over the past 19 years?

We Waited through a two-year engagement before experiencing the joy of marriage.  A decade of infertility followed as we endured 10 losses to miscarriage and unsuccessful adoption attempts.  Then came the bitter surprise of post-partum depression.

Entering our 20th year of living with chronic illness, we’re still Waiting and looking for answers to my daily pain and ongoing loss of abilities.

Have you ever heard someone describe a time of trial as, “living under the shadow of [xyz]”?  Plug in some “xyz”s of your own here; maybe cancer, abuse, loneliness…

Job and the Psalmist talk of “the valley of the shadow of death.”  Shadows impress a dark picture of gloom and heaviness in my mind.

Hope demands I give shadows another look.  God paints shadows in a positive light many times through His Word. 

The Psalms sing repeatedly of "taking refuge under the shadow of His wing," or “resting in the shadow of the Almighty.”

Hebrews describes the best of this life (the Lord’s Sanctuary and the Law) as a foretaste, a copy, a shadow of what is to come in Heaven.  To God, shadows offer protection and glimmer with Hope.

It took our 2-year-old to really illustrate this point to me:
“Where my shadow go, Mommy?”
“Your shadow is sleeping, Sweetheart.  It’s dark because it’s nighttime, but we just need to get you to the potty now.  You did a great job waking up to keep your pants dry, so let’s get there quick!”
As we reached the restroom I flipped on the light.
“There my shadow are now Mommy!  Thank you Mommy!!!”
He danced a happy jig (almost having an “accident” in the process), all signs of sleepiness erased from his glowing face.

Long after our sweet son was soundly sleeping once again, I lay awake reflecting on the pure joy he found in shadows. While I tried to escapee shadows, he saw them as treasures.

I asked the Lord for strength to see my troubles through more childlike eyes that could delight in, and even thank Him for, the imprints they cast over my life.  It was then that I realized that shadows are merely evidenced by light.

What Hope!  The more deeply I feel the weight of a shadow fall across my path, the more powerful the source of Light that contrasts with that shadow.

I too often fixate on darkness rather than finding courage to stand in shadows because of the Light flooding around me.  Being “helpless” to change my circumstances does not need to equal “hopeless” despair.

Hope can thrive in shadows because of the steady, unshakeable, unmoving Hand of Grace holding me in the light of His love.  When trials threaten to overshadow me, I can rest in the refuge of the shadow of His wing.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.- Isaiah 9:2 (NIV)

Verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17. (NIV)

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3. (NIV)

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” Isaiah 9:2. (NIV)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31. (NIV)

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me" Micah 7:7. (NIV)

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" Psalm 33:20. (NIV)

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:1-2, (NIV)

“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.
He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light…

“He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.
He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead…

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…

“For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love…

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’
O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life…”
- from Lamentations 3 (NIV)

Wasting Time

Living with chronic illness often seems like life wasted. As my sweet friend Debbie friend just told me this past weekend, "I keep telling God I could do so much for Him if I was healthier."

In my inbox this morning was this great reminder from Holley Gerth contemplating Christ's life as a carpenter until formal ministry began at age 30, reminding me that God calls me to faithfulness in ever season. God has purpose in extended seasons of waiting and "being still" even if it feels like I should be "doing something" different. May His purpose be fulfilled in my life, be it in bed or where ever else He may call and equip me.

This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these words more than words, and give me the Spirit of Jesus. Amen.

- from The Book of Common Prayer

"For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
- Ephesians 2:10