Why Given Me A Thorn Blog Was Shut Down

Back in May I disabled this blog for several months as I prayed about what to do with it. I had just undergone a solid week of intensive counseling and realized my lifetime mindset, the focus of this blog, had been more about my thorns than about the Rose of Sharron, Jesus Christ. Yes, he has been my Lord since childhood, yet I was more prone to focus on the crashing waves and trying to live my life in a way that would glorify God through the pain, rather than with my eyes firmly set on Jesus Himself and let Him unfold His grace through a life lived for Him, regardless of circumstances. Perhaps this seems like a minor semantical change, but it is a profound heart shift in me!

Starting with the very first day in my week in ministry (and continuing to this day), as I experienced significant and unexpected physical healing in several areas, I was so overwhelmed with God's goodness that I didn't have a heart for this blog anymore. If fact, the "Given Me A Thorn" book title is no longer in my plans at all. Yes, I still plan to write address the times we ask for healing and it does not come (as is still my case in some significant areas), but my title, focus, and perspective has simply been changed by the reality that I am defined by Jesus not by my thorns.

Found on Facebook. Would dearly like to credit the artist if anyone can provide the source, please?
Reminds me of the Butterflies and Battle Boots article I wrote.

I am restoring public viewing of this blog as, within the past week, I have has three needs for public access to some of the health resources previously posted here. The "flavor" of this blog will remain focused on Christians and chronic illness, yet my tone will likely be much more in keeping with my current book title, Harvesting Hope From Heartache.

Please "like" my "Jennifer Saake, author" page at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope for ongoing updates on all my writing news. :) I need a few thousand likes to demonstate "platform" to potential book publishers and currently only have a few hundred, so please help and pass the need along in your illness support circles!

Why I Wear Combat Boots

Amazing website - Death Is Not Dying - young mother's testimony shortly before cancer overcame her.

Headless Snake

"Unlike mammals, reptile reflexes remain deadly after death. In fact, they can still bite and deliver a killing dose of venom up to an hour after being decapitated. Watch as this snake’s head – severed from its body – continued to scan the area, waiting for an opportunity to strike." Source: http://neverchill.com/22834/zombie-snake-attack

It's a long one, but so worth the read. I finally got through it, when my eyes cleared enough because the tears pooling in them finally gave way and spilled down my cheeks. Where Is God When Bad Things Happen (from Ann's Holy Experience)

The quotes that jumped out at me, most profoundly, were:
A snake’s neurology and blood flow make it such that it slithers wild even after it’s been sliced headless...
Never doubt it, wondering world: Even if the tail still rampages, the snake’s head is crushed.

This illustration help me understand how Christ could crush satan's head and yet we are still feeling the poison sting of evil today. In the throws of death, satan tries to reek as much havoc as he can. For further perspective, read Satan's A Goner. Hmm, think God knew what he was doing when He designed a literal serpent's physiology, when He equated satan with the snake? Praise God that we have assurance that He wins in the end!

My Next Book

I'm often asked when I'm going to write my next book. In reality I've been in the process of writing a book on the life of Paul as encouragement for living with chronic pain and illness (the reason for this blog) for probably close to 5 years now. Since Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss took me about 10 years to write, that may not be such exciting news because it tells you I still have a very long way to go!

What I hope is more exciting, what I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer about as God continues to unfold His plan, is that two of my other blogs, one on beauty and (now that I've gained more focus for what I want to do with this project) specifically Harvesting Hope from Heartache™, have becoming a launching pads for what I feel God is turning into my "next" book.

Yes, I'm continuing to work on the Given Me a Thorn too, but over the past year God has me focusing more on an exploration of the Fruit of the Spirit (a passage written by none other than Paul himself) through a series of articles I've been writing for Glory and Strength and my InnerBeautyGirlz blog. I've been working on a Bible study related to what He's teaching me and I've written much more than could be presented only in my articles, so I think God's growing a book out of all of this! :)

How does the Fruit of the Spirit tie in with Harvesting Hope from Heartache? I'm glad you asked. ;) It all has to do with sowing seeds, gathering fruit, and ultimately what Source my hope springs from. What better time to look to the Lord for help than in the midst of trials? I'm very excited to see how God is tying so many themes together in my life as He's teaching me through Galatians 5 this year! I pray that this book will be as much of a blessing to you as the journey has been to me.

It is my current goal to have enough of this study written and ready to present to publishers that I can begin the query process around the end of the year or in the very early part of 2012. Will you join me in specific prayer that God will give me His words to write and that this project will unfold according to His will and in His perfect timing?

If you would like to stay updated about my progress, I've just opened a new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope and would love to have you "like" me over there. :) If you don't do Facebook or would rather get updates via feeds, please follow my long-standing Harvesting Hope from Heartache blog directly. Feel free to pass these link along to your friends as well.

Being Whole

I am in pain, sick, frail, homebound, bedbound, without great possibility or potential in my future.

In all of that, I am whole. I am complete. I am exactly what God made me to be in the exact time He created me to be it...

To read more reflections on what it means to be "whole" and how we can get there even in the midst of illness (not to mention validation for putting up with all those who tell us that wholeness will come through their sure cures), visit Gitz today and read about Whole.

Burden Bearers

Who are your Burden Bearers? The ones who truly understand you? Who walk beside you? Who either "get" you at a heart level, or at least honestly admit that they can't but try to listen with compassion anyway?

Do you have someone like that in your life? I hope so! I know not everyone does. :( If you don't, please share how I can be praying for and with you!

I've been blessed with some wonderful Burden Bearers in my life. Not always. And not at every painful season I've ever walked. But on the grand scale I've been blessed non-the-less, probably more than most.

Even when others where there, trying to care, they did not always do so perfectly, sometimes unintentionally hurting me along the way. As one friend described it, "It's like two porcupines trying to give one another a hug." Sometimes we hurt those we most love, through the very acts we offer out of desire to comfort.

Today I want to take a moment and stop to say thank you to one very precious Burden Bearer I am blessed to also call, "Mom." I was thrilled to learn today that an essay I wrote about the way she has walked with me through Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has been selected as one of the top five finalists in the very first "Fibromyalgia Mom of the Year" contest!

Would you please take a moment to read about Betty Camp, my amazing mom, at the National Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Association? And if you are willing to take just a couple moments more, I would greatly appreciate if you would register for a username (you will be required to supply an email address, but can uncheck any auto-subscriptions for email) and then give Mom's story a 5-star rating! The grand prize winner will be determined by public vote between now and May 9, with the final decision announced on May 12, 2011, national Fibromyalgia and CFIDS Awarness Day.

When God Says No

Why would God say "no" to a good request? To a request like Paul's for the removal of his thorn? For our requests for healing?

This week Lysa TerKeurst said, "When God says no, we are sometimes tempted to wonder if He loves us. In reality, it’s because He loves us, He sometimes says no."

To illustrate this she gave a beautiful word picture of how a cake may look done 2/3 of the way through allotted baking time, but if it's pulled from the oven too soon, it collapses. She writes, "The cake couldn’t withstand the pressure of an undone center… and neither can we.
"If we obsess over the cake and make it our whole focus, character atrophies. If we make growing in godliness our obsession and keep our focus on God, our character matures. And a mature character makes for a solid and well done center."

The rest of Lysa's post can be found here: Escaping the Rut of Want

I've said over and over that I believe pain is a gift, though certainly an odd one. The thing that makes it a gift is the way it drives us to dependence on God. If I'm fixated only on my illness, or my desire to be well, I miss out on God's best for me right here, right now, right in the heart of living these trials.

Invisible Poetry Contest

Thank you, Dr. Dolan, for hosting the Invisible Poetry Contest. Congratulations to all the winning poets. Thank you for including What's In a Name? in your top 20 pick!

Gift or Curse?

I found this video link to David Ring after reading (in)Courage today, where Allison Morrison shares about raising her long-awaited son Sam, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. She writes,

"I’m not gonna sugar coat it–we just could’ve done without CP in our lives. But God saw fit to give it to us anyway. So what do we do with it?

"Before last night we would’ve bumbled along doing the best we could praying for a miracle healing. But after hearing David speak it’s a whole new ballgame... [CP] is our opportunity to show others how God has been good to us. Did we ask for CP? No way. Did David? Nope, but as he said he wouldn’t trade his life for a minute... He is blessed and so are we–so is Sam.

"It is up to us to help Sam develop his full potential and then to get out of the way and let God work. We gave Sam to God when he was born and we have to accept how God intends for him to be.

"We must not waste this opportunity that we’ve been given. We have been entrusted with something sacred and we have to praise Him and trust His plans for us!"

Visit Alison at (in)Courage to read more.

As Joni Eareckson Tada says, “God aborts devilish schemes to serve His own ends. God permits what He hates to accomplish that which He loves. Heaven and hell can participate in the exact same event, but for different reasons.”

Character

‎"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

~ Helen Keller

 Sounds like James 1:2-4 to me:

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." [The Message]

or

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." [New International Version]

Theme Words

One way God seems to work in my life is through “theme word seasons,” specific life lessons He wants to drive home with me and situations that bring those themes to light over and over until I finally begin to grasp a small portion of what He longs to teach me. Wait resounded in our hearts through the loss of our business and the struggle for my husband to find a new career that truly fit, all in the midst of infertility's endless cycles of hoping and hurting, wanting and worrying, coping and crying.

Waiting has given way to new horizons, a series of theme seasons too numerous to list here, but with one of the most recent being Hope. And then to Hope, God’s spent the last couple of years adding the active pursuit of Joy to my life as well. Here are some of my favorite resources from these three themes:

Wait:
- Hannah’s Prayer Ministries offers support through fertility challenges, including infertility or the death of a baby at any time from conception through early infancy.
- A Graceful Waiting by Jan Frank
- The Wait Poem by Russell Kelfer (Truly beautiful book, with a written message even more powerful than the photos! This poem was life-changing for me and has been impactful in many lives.)

Hope:
- Out of the Valley Ministries, Inc. Postpartum Depression Support
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg
- Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss by me, Jennifer Saake :)

Joy:
- Rest Ministries provides support in the face of chronic pain and illness, including National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week each Sept.
- Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times by Holley Gerth
- The book of Philippians, written by the apostle Paul.
- And a late entry to my list, a blog post I just read this week about trusting God with others' hurts, Gratitude not Guilt

"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies” Philippians 4:8-9. (MSG)

Hope in the Shadows

Nearly a year ago I was blessed to share a guest post on the (In)Courage blog. I'm re-posting it here today:

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and Wait….”
How many times has this refrain whispered in our ears over the past 19 years?

We Waited through a two-year engagement before experiencing the joy of marriage.  A decade of infertility followed as we endured 10 losses to miscarriage and unsuccessful adoption attempts.  Then came the bitter surprise of post-partum depression.

Entering our 20th year of living with chronic illness, we’re still Waiting and looking for answers to my daily pain and ongoing loss of abilities.

Have you ever heard someone describe a time of trial as, “living under the shadow of [xyz]”?  Plug in some “xyz”s of your own here; maybe cancer, abuse, loneliness…

Job and the Psalmist talk of “the valley of the shadow of death.”  Shadows impress a dark picture of gloom and heaviness in my mind.

Hope demands I give shadows another look.  God paints shadows in a positive light many times through His Word. 

The Psalms sing repeatedly of "taking refuge under the shadow of His wing," or “resting in the shadow of the Almighty.”

Hebrews describes the best of this life (the Lord’s Sanctuary and the Law) as a foretaste, a copy, a shadow of what is to come in Heaven.  To God, shadows offer protection and glimmer with Hope.

It took our 2-year-old to really illustrate this point to me:
“Where my shadow go, Mommy?”
“Your shadow is sleeping, Sweetheart.  It’s dark because it’s nighttime, but we just need to get you to the potty now.  You did a great job waking up to keep your pants dry, so let’s get there quick!”
As we reached the restroom I flipped on the light.
“There my shadow are now Mommy!  Thank you Mommy!!!”
He danced a happy jig (almost having an “accident” in the process), all signs of sleepiness erased from his glowing face.

Long after our sweet son was soundly sleeping once again, I lay awake reflecting on the pure joy he found in shadows. While I tried to escapee shadows, he saw them as treasures.

I asked the Lord for strength to see my troubles through more childlike eyes that could delight in, and even thank Him for, the imprints they cast over my life.  It was then that I realized that shadows are merely evidenced by light.

What Hope!  The more deeply I feel the weight of a shadow fall across my path, the more powerful the source of Light that contrasts with that shadow.

I too often fixate on darkness rather than finding courage to stand in shadows because of the Light flooding around me.  Being “helpless” to change my circumstances does not need to equal “hopeless” despair.

Hope can thrive in shadows because of the steady, unshakeable, unmoving Hand of Grace holding me in the light of His love.  When trials threaten to overshadow me, I can rest in the refuge of the shadow of His wing.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.- Isaiah 9:2 (NIV)

Verses that reflect God's sheltering shadows in my life:

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17. (NIV)

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3. (NIV)

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned” Isaiah 9:2. (NIV)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:31. (NIV)

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me" Micah 7:7. (NIV)

"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" Psalm 33:20. (NIV)

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:1-2, (NIV)

“I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.
He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light…

“He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.
He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead…

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…

“For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love…

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear.’
O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life…”
- from Lamentations 3 (NIV)

A Thorny Season

I have a chronic illness that stems back to a virus I had as a child and the acute onset of additional complications my freshman year of college. I've lived my entire adult life battling pain and debilitating fatigue and a range of other symptoms, but some seasons are better than others. At my worst I spent 2 years nearly entirely bedridden, so I am very thankful for every day I can get out of bed and function at a reasonably normal level.

Having said that, I am going through a pretty rough season right now and could use some extra encouragement and prayers. I am seeing a wonderful doctor (one of the world's leading specalists in his field!) and am receiving the most in depth care I've had in 20 years. I am very thankful!

But my current treatments are taking a toll on me and I'm struggling physically at a level I haven't faced on a daily basis in several years. My doctor had warned me that this 6 weeks of treatment could make me feel a lot worse before I started seeing any benefits, and for the first 2 weeks I thought I had gotten off pretty easily. But the harder parts hit with vengance a few days ago and I know I still have 3 1/2 weeks ahead of me for this particular treatment.

Thank you for your prayers. I am striving to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12). These struggles, while seemingly all-consuming to me in the midst of them, are truly "light and momentary" (2 Corinthians 4:17) in the grand scope of eternity and even God's plan for my life here and now! Even so, I can so easily loose sight of God's grace and mercy and start down the path of self-pitty when I know that choosing joy is the better path on all counts! So your prayers are a blessing and I humbly ask you to uphold me before the Lord at this time, yes, for physical endurance and even healing if it is the Lord's good pleasure to grant this blessing. But most of all I ask your prayers that my heart would remain right before Him in the midst of this current struggle and that I would continue feeding on the joy of the Lord.