Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trials. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Why Given Me A Thorn Blog Was Shut Down

Back in May I disabled this blog for several months as I prayed about what to do with it. I had just undergone a solid week of intensive counseling and realized my lifetime mindset, the focus of this blog, had been more about my thorns than about the Rose of Sharron, Jesus Christ. Yes, he has been my Lord since childhood, yet I was more prone to focus on the crashing waves and trying to live my life in a way that would glorify God through the pain, rather than with my eyes firmly set on Jesus Himself and let Him unfold His grace through a life lived for Him, regardless of circumstances. Perhaps this seems like a minor semantical change, but it is a profound heart shift in me!

Starting with the very first day in my week in ministry (and continuing to this day), as I experienced significant and unexpected physical healing in several areas, I was so overwhelmed with God's goodness that I didn't have a heart for this blog anymore. If fact, the "Given Me A Thorn" book title is no longer in my plans at all. Yes, I still plan to write address the times we ask for healing and it does not come (as is still my case in some significant areas), but my title, focus, and perspective has simply been changed by the reality that I am defined by Jesus not by my thorns.

Found on Facebook. Would dearly like to credit the artist if anyone can provide the source, please?
Reminds me of the Butterflies and Battle Boots article I wrote.




I am restoring public viewing of this blog as, within the past week, I have has three needs for public access to some of the health resources previously posted here. The "flavor" of this blog will remain focused on Christians and chronic illness, yet my tone will likely be much more in keeping with my current book title, Harvesting Hope From Heartache.

Please "like" my "Jennifer Saake, author" page at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope for ongoing updates on all my writing news. :) I need a few thousand likes to demonstate "platform" to potential book publishers and currently only have a few hundred, so please help and pass the need along in your illness support circles!

Why I Wear Combat Boots

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Can't Count On This Body

Today I posted several thoughts about living with an unreliable body, along with writing news, over at http://strokeofgrace.blogspot.com/2016/03/im-dizzy.html.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Book Give-away!


Sorry the cover is backwards. My laptop takes mirror image photos! If there is a way to "flip" them, I sure have never discovered that feature. Keep reading to learn how to enter (once or lots of times)to win a free copy of this book!


Extended Entry Deadline: To enter, please leave a comment (including a valid email address to contact you if you win) on this post prior to Christmas Day, 2015! I'll send out a notification email and post the winner here by Dec.28. You will have 48 hours to respond with your mailing address or I'll need to select a new winner. That's it. EASY. (Keep reading for more chances to enter.)


You can see my dear friend Shelly Benoit Hendricks's correct book cover for her 30 devotional collection for newly diagnosed patients, "You're Chronically Ill...So Now What?" at http://amzn.to/21Mp2T7 or visit the  You're Chronically Ill. Now What? facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/YoureChronicallyIllNowWhat.

For additional enteritis, please share this post widely, on Facebook, pinterest, twitter, your blog, wherever. Leave an additional post each time you do!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

In the Garden



I just spent 2 hours out working in my garden yesterday evening. Had a good talk with  our 9-year-old about the meaning of the word "prune". He was so cute, talking about when he got baptized earlier this year his feet got all "pruney" from being in the water. grin emoticon But we did get down to the fact that Jesus must clean/prune us continually to bring us into the shape of His will, just like we were doing to our roses.


I was pretty hard on my plants, leaving only about 6 healthy blooms and a bunch of buds behind (on a total of about 18 rose bushes!) so it looks pretty stark right now. But each cut was made with care and purpose, knowing that by my birthday at the end of the month, I will have a glorious garden full of healthy blossoms, all on nicely trimmed and shaped plants!


I take comfort from my parent's story as newly weds. They had several rose bushes under the kitchen window. Mom was having horrid allergies, so Dad went out and brutally shopped them all nearly down to the roots to try to kill them. They came back healthier and prettier than before! So when the devil sets out to destroy me, God can intend the same season of harsh pruning for my benefit.


I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more.
John 15:1-2 (The Message)

He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch to make it bear more AND richer AND more excellent fruit!

(First published July, 2015 at Harvesting Hope from Heartache, copyright, Jennifer Saake)

Friday, May 1, 2015

Round 2

I seem to have picked up at least two different nasty and heavy-duty viruses this spring, triggering the reactivation of ME/CFS (previously known as Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome), that I battled for over 20 years, but has been in remission for over 3 years, since before my strokes

I haven't said anything here yet because I hoped this relapse would be short-lived and not worth mention. Plus, putting it is writing "makes it real" and I can no longer pretend it isn't happening. It has gone on long enough, I have enough medical confirmation and symptoms, that it looks like we are in for another battle. I have been on anti-viral medications for a few weeks now (out of an anticipated 6 month course of treatment) and, other than needing mega amounts of sleep, think the medicine may actually be helping a bit already!

I was in and out of the local emergency room for tummy pain (that may or may not be related to these viruses), my appendix, the ovarian cysts they found on my stroked side that could have been referring pain to my "good" side, some combination of any/all of the above, or something else not yet discovered, (no one is totally sure), twice within 3 1/2 weeks, but am on day 7 of a relatively pain-free or at least low-tummy-pain streak. I was pretty feverish and have slept most of the day yesterday, but no pain!

We still don't know the reasons for the tummy stuff. That it is gone right now makes me wonder if the anti-viral medication is addressing the root cause, but we simply do not know. My next regular doctor's appointment is scheduled for about the 3rd week of May, so that if it is a recurrent feminine issue, we hope to catch it cyclically. Because of the internal stroke paralysis, I do not seem capable of properly transmitting pain signals, so I am leaving my doctors with quite the guessing game right now!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Power of the Anointed

"I begged the Lord three times to liberate me from its anguish; and finally He said to me, “My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” So ask me about my thorn, inquire about my weaknesses, and I will gladly go on and on—I would rather stake my claim in these and have the power of the Anointed One at home within me. I am at peace and even take pleasure in any weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and afflictions for the sake of the Anointed because when I am at my weakest, He makes me strong."
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (Voice)

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Mast Cell Activation?


Since childhood, and worsening with age, I have a multitude of allergic type reactions, to bug bites, cigarette smoke, scents, some personal care products (mine or worn by others), perfumes, chemical cleaners, certain animal hairs (wool, rabbits, bears and a few specific cats or dogs) Band-Aids, medical tapes, balloons, freshly repainted buildings, new construction, carpet glues even months after installation, a few specific foods and food additives, herbs, medications (like every narcotic known to man - no "good drugs" for me!), heat, sunlight... Symptoms range from redness, itching, hives, tingling tongue, neurological issues, to migraine headaches and vomiting, to racing heart, tight throat and lungs and even full blown anaphylaxis. For several years now (and under doctor's orders), I've rarely miss a dosage of Zertec every 24 hours. When I forget at bedtime I'm in fullblown reactive mode, without any other trigger, simply to life, by the time I wake up the next morning. I carry Benadryl and an Epi-Pen at all times, because I still have plenty of break through reactivity with various exposures. I have taken a few ambulance rides for more sever reactions.


Allergy testing says I have a true allergy to DUST, that's it. Oh, and to my Albuterol inhaler (that one wasn't a blood test, just the allergist's first hand observation when he had me use it in his office). Arrrgggg! Now don't get me wrong, I'm happy not to be allergic to anything else. But with classic allergies there are usually specific treatment regiments. If I'm not allergic to these things, then doctors aren't quite sure what to do with me. My allergist told me that he believes my anaphylaxis to be phyco-sematic, but since I've even had some of these physical manifestations, visibly witnessed by others, when I've been unconscious, I find this a little hard to accept. I'm more prone to think that, for many doctors, if they don't have a blood test with readable results that they fully understand, in their minds often the illnesses simply "do not exist" because their testing doesn't say so.


I've been offered a variety of explanations, some of which may partially answer the riddle, but nothing that fully satisfies yet. The first explanation has been Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS). After the allergy testing came back without answers, the idea of toxicity was introduced, that rather than being allergic to things, I'm having toxic reactions. I think these two may be on the right track, but don't offer a full answer. Through hours of research (special thank to Danette Hillier-McVeetyof the Ehlers-Danlos (and all related disorders) Support Group, for answering initial questions and pointing me down this investigational pathway!), I personally think we need to investigate Mast Cell Activation Disorder (MCAD) or even perhaps Mastocytosis (the sufferer has too many mast cells to begin with, whereas with MCAS, they are either misshapen and/or release too much histamine and heparin) as it truly seems to me that my own body is overly active in histamine production and it doesn't take much to push it over the edge into full blown reactivity! I'll be addressing these concerns with my doctor this summer. In the meantime, I need one place to list resources I'm finding:


Mast Cell Activation (Always Well, talks about some testing that can be ordered. "In Mastocytosis, the problem can be making too many mast cells or having incorrectly shaped cells.  Very little is understood about Mast Cell Activation Disorder, which shares symptoms with Mastocytosis, but the usual clinical markers are not always present.  It’s theorized that in Mast Cell Activation Disorder, for unknown reasons, one’s mast cells become hypersensitive, ‘behave badly’, and thus are easily triggered to release their contents.
"Mast Cell Disorders are not the same as Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.  But some people with MCS may be incorrectly diagnosed and actually have a mast cell disorder.  In his article called The Role of the Brain and Mast Cells in MCS, Dr. Gunnar Heuser, MD described how he tested a number of his MCS patients for markers that indicate mastocytosis or a mast cell activation disorder. A surprising number turned up positive.  Dr. Heuser postulates, '...that chemical injury can trigger a mast cell disorder which in turn can cause MCS.”)


Allergies, Fibromyalgia or Mast Cell Activation?

Mast Cell Activation Disorders (fromUpToDate)

Mastocytosis Explained

Hyperadrenergic Postural Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) in Mast Cell Activation Disorders (I "flunked" or "passed", depending on how you look at it, my tilt table test with flying colors, years ago.)

Mast Cell Diseases (Wikipedia)

Mast Cell Activation Disorder and Chronic Illness (Methylation)

MCAS Guide

Diagnosis Histamine Intolerance (scroll down past the adds, yes they are trying to sell their products but the information may still be helpful)

If I understand correctly,  Mastocytosis can only be confirmed with a bone marrow biopsy and MCAS can be confirmed with a blood test.







Saturday, March 8, 2014

What NOT to Say

Here's a helpful article: 12 Things You Should Never Say to A Person With A Chronic Health Condition

{God} takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord's delight is in those who fear Him, those who put their hope in His unfailing love. Psalm 147:10-11

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Headless Snake

"Unlike mammals, reptile reflexes remain deadly after death. In fact, they can still bite and deliver a killing dose of venom up to an hour after being decapitated. Watch as this snake’s head – severed from its body – continued to scan the area, waiting for an opportunity to strike." Source: http://neverchill.com/22834/zombie-snake-attack
It's a long one, but so worth the read. I finally got through it, when my eyes cleared enough because the tears pooling in them finally gave way and spilled down my cheeks. Where Is God When Bad Things Happen (from Ann's Holy Experience)

The quotes that jumped out at me, most profoundly, were:
A snake’s neurology and blood flow make it such that it slithers wild even after it’s been sliced headless...
Never doubt it, wondering world: Even if the tail still rampages, the snake’s head is crushed.

This illustration help me understand how Christ could crush satan's head and yet we are still feeling the poison sting of evil today. In the throws of death, satan tries to reek as much havoc as he can. For further perspective, read Satan's A Goner. Hmm, think God knew what he was doing when He designed a literal serpent's physiology, when He equated satan with the snake? Praise God that we have assurance that He wins in the end!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Focus

I almost tossed this picture. The rose is all out of focus! In fact, the only thing my eye can clearly make out is the background, and look at all those nasty thorns!


Oh wait. Isn't this a perfect picture of my life sometimes? So often I miss out on the amazing beauty and blessings right before me because I'm focusing on the annoying, the irritating, the ugly, the painful.

Lord, please help me to remember that even when you give thorns, they are always accompanied by gifts of grace. Sometimes I may have to work harder to adjust my focus than other times, but when I look for your blessings, they are always there.


I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.


Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
- 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10 (The Message)


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Thank you to my sweet friend Abby of Mavora Art and Design who took this idea and made it into my beautiful new header! Feel free to visit her website or follow her on Facebook.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter Encouragement

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again
to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.......
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary,
you have been distressed by various trials...
1 Peter 1:3,6

He is Risen!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Beautiful Bruises

I've been pondering this post all day. In part the author (also named Jennifer, but not me) says, "The colors in a refreshing sunset are the same as my bruise. Maybe, just maybe, God sees the same beauty in both. Maybe God wishes we would stop shying away from our bruises and instead, sit back, take a breath and observe. Maybe if we stopped trying to hide the bruises, we would see what God sees..."

What are your thoughts? How have you found beauty in painful circumstances?

Monday, February 28, 2011

God's Comfort Zone

I follow a ton of blogs. One hauntingly beautiful one is called A Holy Experience, by Ann Voskamp, New York Times best selling author of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. I have yet to read this book for myself, but today's post leapt off the screen and right into my hear. Yet again, God reminds me about His gifts in the midst of pain:
When God moves us out of our comfort zone —- into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful —- even hurt — this is a gift. We are being given a gift. These hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing God in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones.”


And further down the post...

"When God moves us out of our comfort zone…

"When God…


"We’re in the God zone when we’re out of our comfort zone and the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, comforts us when we step outside our comfort zone. It’s only in the uncomfortable places that we can experience the tenderness of the Comforter."

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Chronic Lifestyle

I would truly love you feedback on how illness has impacted the big picture of your life, be it not marring or having kids, a change in educational or career goals, a new direction you never thought you would take (but maybe find you love more than you expected), or anything you would like me to consider about big life decisions or lifestyle choices that are changed by your health. Please share your joys, frustrations, victories, struggles, eye-opening realizations, heartaches and achievements. I truly want to know! You input may help shape the direction of my book and is highly appreciated.

How has your illness impacted the decisions you make concerning daily life? Do you find yourself making choices that surprise you or surprise others in spite of, or sometimes specifically because off, your health needs? I'm curious to know where you "push" yourself, what dreams you let go of because of your body's demands, what things you do anyway, but maybe differently? How is your life impacted so that it differs from what you pictured before illness? In what areas have you been able to thankfully maintain normalcy? In what ways are any differences actually a blessing and in what ways are they are disappointments or sources of discouragement?

I've been thinking about all of this since recently posting resources and recording a radio interview about our family's choice to homeschool (sometimes "bedschool") while living with XMRV. For us, homeschooling is a path we probably would have taken anyway, but the challenges and blessings are both multiplied by the realities of my body's daily unpredictability. I am eager to hear about your daily life and how your health impacts you, both positively and negatively, in both daily and overall lifestyle decisions.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Gift or Curse?


I found this video link to David Ring after reading (in)Courage today, where Allison Morrison shares about raising her long-awaited son Sam, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. She writes,
"I’m not gonna sugar coat it–we just could’ve done without CP in our lives. But God saw fit to give it to us anyway. So what do we do with it?

"Before last night we would’ve bumbled along doing the best we could praying for a miracle healing. But after hearing David speak it’s a whole new ballgame... [CP] is our opportunity to show others how God has been good to us. Did we ask for CP? No way. Did David? Nope, but as he said he wouldn’t trade his life for a minute... He is blessed and so are we–so is Sam.

"It is up to us to help Sam develop his full potential and then to get out of the way and let God work. We gave Sam to God when he was born and we have to accept how God intends for him to be.

"We must not waste this opportunity that we’ve been given. We have been entrusted with something sacred and we have to praise Him and trust His plans for us!"
Visit Alison at (in)Courage to read more.

As Joni Eareckson Tada says, “God aborts devilish schemes to serve His own ends. God permits what He hates to accomplish that which He loves. Heaven and hell can participate in the exact same event, but for different reasons.”

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Why Affliction?

Diane Bucknell shares some great thoughts on how Our Suffering of Illness is Meant to Go Far Beyond Just Us over at Rest Ministries. In part she writes,
The doctor said I would be better in 18 months. Having a young family to care for, that pronouncement was devastating. Little did I know it would be 10 years before I would feel reasonably well again and by that time the children were grown. I was bedridden most of the time for the first several years and depended on my family to help me with the normal daily activities like shopping and housework. My only outings for the first 2 years were to the doctor for weekly treatments. There were many times that I didn’t know how I could survive one more day of being so sick....

Psalm 27:13-14 was my lifeline of hope which I clung to daily:

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see
the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD.”

When God does one thing, He’s doing many things at the same time.

* Affliction drives us to dependence: “My eye has wasted away because of affliction; I have called upon You every day, O LORD” Psalm 88: 9.
* Affliction drives us to obedience: “Before I was afflicted I went astray, But now I keep Your word.” Psalm 119:67.
* Affliction purifies us: “For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.” Psalm 66:10
* Affliction is humbling: ” for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me–to keep me from exalting myself!” 2 Corinthians 12:7
Above quotes, © 2009-2010 Rest Ministries Chronic Illness Pain Support, All Rights Reserved. Read More at Rest Ministries - Chronic Illness and Pain Support.

Diane Bucknell came to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior at the age of 20. She resides in Carson City, Nevada with her husband Robert. They been married for 36 years and have 3 children and 4 grandchildren. They own Bucknell Arts, a fine art and mural painting business.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

This Isn't Light!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
- 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (NIV)


I so appreciated Rachel's thoughts on this verse today at (in)Courage. In part she shares:

Light and momentary troubles? There are days when my troubles feel anything but light and momentary! They feel awful and overwhelming. But when I shift my focus from my immediate circumstances to an eternal perspective, I see my troubles for what they truly are: brief. Compared to eternity, this is just a moment. Suffering is only for a time; it will one day end. Heaven will last forever.

Okay, so the troubles of today are brief compared to eternity. I get that. But light? How are these afflictions light? They feel so heavy. My body grows weaker, and apart from a miracle, it will never function normally again. I can’t be the wife and mother for my family that I want to be. This isn’t light; this is huge...

To read more, including her resolution to these questions, please visit Rachel's website, One Day at a Time (living in weakness, resting in grace, waiting in hope), or (in)Courage. :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Character

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
~ Helen Keller
 Sounds like James 1:2-4 to me:
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." [The Message]
or

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." [New International Version]

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

from God not us

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:7-9