This Blog's New Location

JrnniferSaake.com

It's only been a 6-year process (don't ask), but I am so very excited to unveil JenniferSaake.com tonight. It's finally live!

JenniferSaake.com

Go enjoy. :)

JenniferSaake.com

Why Given Me A Thorn Blog Was Shut Down

Back in May I disabled this blog for several months as I prayed about what to do with it. I had just undergone a solid week of intensive counseling and realized my lifetime mindset, the focus of this blog, had been more about my thorns than about the Rose of Sharron, Jesus Christ. Yes, he has been my Lord since childhood, yet I was more prone to focus on the crashing waves and trying to live my life in a way that would glorify God through the pain, rather than with my eyes firmly set on Jesus Himself and let Him unfold His grace through a life lived for Him, regardless of circumstances. Perhaps this seems like a minor semantical change, but it is a profound heart shift in me!

Starting with the very first day in my week in ministry (and continuing to this day), as I experienced significant and unexpected physical healing in several areas, I was so overwhelmed with God's goodness that I didn't have a heart for this blog anymore. If fact, the "Given Me A Thorn" book title is no longer in my plans at all. Yes, I still plan to write address the times we ask for healing and it does not come (as is still my case in some significant areas), but my title, focus, and perspective has simply been changed by the reality that I am defined by Jesus not by my thorns.

Found on Facebook. Would dearly like to credit the artist if anyone can provide the source, please?
Reminds me of the Butterflies and Battle Boots article I wrote.

I am restoring public viewing of this blog as, within the past week, I have has three needs for public access to some of the health resources previously posted here. The "flavor" of this blog will remain focused on Christians and chronic illness, yet my tone will likely be much more in keeping with my current book title, Harvesting Hope From Heartache.

Please "like" my "Jennifer Saake, author" page at www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope for ongoing updates on all my writing news. :) I need a few thousand likes to demonstate "platform" to potential book publishers and currently only have a few hundred, so please help and pass the need along in your illness support circles!

Why I Wear Combat Boots

Can't Count On This Body

Today I posted several thoughts about living with an unreliable body, along with writing news, over at http://strokeofgrace.blogspot.com/2016/03/im-dizzy.html.

Book Give-away!

Sorry the cover is backwards. My laptop takes mirror image photos! If there is a way to "flip" them, I sure have never discovered that feature. Keep reading to learn how to enter (once or lots of times)to win a free copy of this book!

Extended Entry Deadline: To enter, please leave a comment (including a valid email address to contact you if you win) on this post prior to Christmas Day, 2015! I'll send out a notification email and post the winner here by Dec.28. You will have 48 hours to respond with your mailing address or I'll need to select a new winner. That's it. EASY. (Keep reading for more chances to enter.)

You can see my dear friend Shelly Benoit Hendricks's correct book cover for her 30 devotional collection for newly diagnosed patients, "You're Chronically Ill...So Now What?" at http://amzn.to/21Mp2T7 or visit the  You're Chronically Ill. Now What? facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/YoureChronicallyIllNowWhat.

For additional enteritis, please share this post widely, on Facebook, pinterest, twitter, your blog, wherever. Leave an additional post each time you do!

Need Name

I am looking to purchase a domain name. I need something people can remember, spell, is "catchy" and/or speaks to the topics of my books (infertility, loss, fruit of the Spirit, hope, motherhood, illness, heartache, grace, various Biblical heroes like Hannah, Job, Paul). Any suggestions or ideas? I like jennifer.saake but wonder if the spelling of our last name will become an issue? Most domains of my actual book titles are already taken (like the StrokeOfGrace domain, though I could still use these words with hyphenation between them or adding on the word "book" at the end like I did with HannahsHopeBook.com), plus you need a new one for each project and I'm looking for something I could list all books, blogs and any future affiliated projects and ministries under. Maybe something with my used-around-the-internet handle of InfertilityMom, but will that be confusing for people that don't know my background? I've used Jenni's Journal for several projects over the years, so something along those lines might work. I was thinking maybe something alone the lines of ChronicallyTrustingChrist but that is LONG for a domain name. I also love roses, and themes of harvest, gardening and growth. Someone suggested something butterfly related (cocoon, chrysalis (<---- already="" and="" anything="" but="" can="" etc="" find="" flight="" give="" go.="" hard="" i="" ideas="" like="" me="" not="" ready.="" really="" short="" simple="" soaring="" span="" spell="" t="" taken="" takes="" that="" to="" transformation="" wing="" wings="" word="" your="">

Where Else I'm Writing

People are continuing to find me through various sources and surprised that they didn't know it was "me" all those different places. So to help everyone find me, I want to list the projects and places I currently remain active so you can easily find me. (Technically, I'm registered for over 30 blogs, but some I don't keep current anymore, some I per-registered for names of probable future book projects, some are titles I know people to search for me by and just redirect to other active blogs, etc.)

From Facebook - I do this a lot!

So here's where to currently find me actively writing, cup of tea on the side table next to me (picture from around my home to mentally picture the process):

Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage and Adoption Loss (book published by NavPress, 2005, ISBN-10: 1576836541; ISBN-13: 978-1576836545) . Hannah's Hope blog and Pintrest pages on infertility, miscarriage / loss, adoption. Facbook at https://www.facebook.com/HannahsHopeBook

InfertilityMom, blog on motherhood after infertility and loss. My motherhood pin board (along with those just listed above) probably best fits this audience. Homemaking too. :)

My current book project, a harvest-themed devotional study on the fruit of the Holy Spirit, especially in the face of trying times, working title Harvesting Hope from Heartache and the accompanying Harvesting Hope blog and Harvesting Hope, fruit of the Spirit , gardening, roses, and spiritual warfare Pintrest pages. Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope

Of course, Stroke Of Grace, my unfolding stroke recovery journey blog. I hope to write an accompanying book if future years. On Pintrest, there are several specifically related pages: stroke-related pictures and thoughts, why I'm homesick for Heaven, therapy and exercise, my struggle to find purpose, thoughts on grace and glory and a great collection of brain images. Facbook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stroke-of-Grace-by-Jennifer-Saake/339888582731687

From Facebook

A future book project, currently titled Given Me a Thorn,a study on the life of the Apostle Paul as comfort, encouragement and resources for living with chronic pain and/or illness. Pintrest pages at Natural Health and Chronic Illness, Gluten Free, Latex Free, Mountain, Rocky Road, and Given Me a Thorn. Facbook at https://www.facebook.com/GivenMeaThorn

A page I have let fall fallow since the strokes, I hope to revive again, InnerBeautyGirlz, tips and tricks (and even some give-aways) for outward beauty, but with an intention focus on the heart and soul.  I have, however, really been building my Pintest page on this beauty this year, a reflection of my own struggles both physically and emotionally/mentally, to accept God's perspective on me in my brokenness. Facbook at https://www.facebook.com/innerbeautygirlz

Find me on Twitter at @InfertilityMom. I would love to invite you to follow all my Pintrest boards (several more, not listed here, like Social Media, various holidays/seasons, Japan (special board on Koi fish), Tips and Tricks, romantic bicycles like the ones above and below,  my heroes,  Just Because... and much more) at /InfertilityMom.

From Facebook

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. - Psalm 51:17

My Next Book

I'm often asked when I'm going to write my next book. In reality I've been in the process of writing a book on the life of Paul as encouragement for living with chronic pain and illness (the reason for this blog) for probably close to 5 years now. Since Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss took me about 10 years to write, that may not be such exciting news because it tells you I still have a very long way to go!

What I hope is more exciting, what I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer about as God continues to unfold His plan, is that two of my other blogs, one on beauty and (now that I've gained more focus for what I want to do with this project) specifically Harvesting Hope from Heartache™, have becoming a launching pads for what I feel God is turning into my "next" book.

Yes, I'm continuing to work on the Given Me a Thorn too, but over the past year God has me focusing more on an exploration of the Fruit of the Spirit (a passage written by none other than Paul himself) through a series of articles I've been writing for Glory and Strength and my InnerBeautyGirlz blog. I've been working on a Bible study related to what He's teaching me and I've written much more than could be presented only in my articles, so I think God's growing a book out of all of this! :)

How does the Fruit of the Spirit tie in with Harvesting Hope from Heartache? I'm glad you asked. ;) It all has to do with sowing seeds, gathering fruit, and ultimately what Source my hope springs from. What better time to look to the Lord for help than in the midst of trials? I'm very excited to see how God is tying so many themes together in my life as He's teaching me through Galatians 5 this year! I pray that this book will be as much of a blessing to you as the journey has been to me.

It is my current goal to have enough of this study written and ready to present to publishers that I can begin the query process around the end of the year or in the very early part of 2012. Will you join me in specific prayer that God will give me His words to write and that this project will unfold according to His will and in His perfect timing?

If you would like to stay updated about my progress, I've just opened a new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope and would love to have you "like" me over there. :) If you don't do Facebook or would rather get updates via feeds, please follow my long-standing Harvesting Hope from Heartache blog directly. Feel free to pass these link along to your friends as well.

Burden Bearers

Who are your Burden Bearers? The ones who truly understand you? Who walk beside you? Who either "get" you at a heart level, or at least honestly admit that they can't but try to listen with compassion anyway?

Do you have someone like that in your life? I hope so! I know not everyone does. :( If you don't, please share how I can be praying for and with you!

I've been blessed with some wonderful Burden Bearers in my life. Not always. And not at every painful season I've ever walked. But on the grand scale I've been blessed non-the-less, probably more than most.

Even when others where there, trying to care, they did not always do so perfectly, sometimes unintentionally hurting me along the way. As one friend described it, "It's like two porcupines trying to give one another a hug." Sometimes we hurt those we most love, through the very acts we offer out of desire to comfort.

Today I want to take a moment and stop to say thank you to one very precious Burden Bearer I am blessed to also call, "Mom." I was thrilled to learn today that an essay I wrote about the way she has walked with me through Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has been selected as one of the top five finalists in the very first "Fibromyalgia Mom of the Year" contest!

Would you please take a moment to read about Betty Camp, my amazing mom, at the National Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Association? And if you are willing to take just a couple moments more, I would greatly appreciate if you would register for a username (you will be required to supply an email address, but can uncheck any auto-subscriptions for email) and then give Mom's story a 5-star rating! The grand prize winner will be determined by public vote between now and May 9, with the final decision announced on May 12, 2011, national Fibromyalgia and CFIDS Awarness Day.

Invisible Poetry Contest

Thank you, Dr. Dolan, for hosting the Invisible Poetry Contest. Congratulations to all the winning poets. Thank you for including What's In a Name? in your top 20 pick!

Writing with CFS

I am an author. I am living with "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome". When questioned by a doctor last year on my cognitive function, I explained, "I have written one book, but where others could have written it in several months, maybe a year or two, it took me ten." I continually turn down speaking engagements and travel requests because I do not have the stamina for public speaking, nor the strength for travel. Writing is my passion, my therapy, my outlet. But "being a writer" while fighting through this illness isn't an easy road.

In an article called CFS: To Suffering Add Anger, author Llewellyn King writes, "CFS-afflicted authors describe taking years to finish projects that should have taken months. These include Hillary Johnson, whose book “Osler’s Web” is about CFS; Laura Hillenbrand, who wrote the bestseller “Sea Biscuit” while struggling with the disease; and Deborah Waroff, who is writing a book about the Jewish hero Sholom Schwartzbard, but who has found the task dragging on for years, working as she can between severe periods of disability, confined to bed."

Since the above referenced article is one of the only places I've ever seen authors with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome specifically addressed, I just felt it "fit" here on this blog. Thank you for your patience as my own writing efforts slowly grind forward at whatever speed and ability God enables. I would love to see this new book in print by 2015.

20 years

I know for a fact I am positive for an Human Gamma Retrovirus (HGRV). Looking back on my health history, I suspect I have carried this retrovirus for at least 30 years, possibly longer. But it was 20 years ago today when I got "really sick" and went down hard with what was eventually labeled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I would invite you to read my reflections on the past 20 years at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/2010/09/and-then-life-changed.html

If you did not see my announcement yesterday, I would also like to invite you to join my new facebook page tied to this blog at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Given-Me-a-Thorn/160505560633099

The Name

I wrote this poem at the beginning of the year. I'm posting it today in honor of the grand opening of the Whittemore Peterson Institute in Reno, Nevada. (Permission to reprint the following poem is granted by the author if reprinted in full, including copyright line, and linking back to this blog at http://www.GivenMeaThorn.blogspot.com  If you are not familiar with my journey though "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome," or XMRV- Associated Neuro-Immune Disease, you may want to start here.)

What's In a Name?

Head pounding

Throat burning

Pain radiates up

Into my teeth, into my ears

I'm hot

Wait, I'm freezing

Sweats and fevers

Come and go

Snuggled down in bed

In my softest jammies

Hoping for relief in slumber

Elusive sleep refuses to come

Thoughts wear me down by racing at manic speed

Of an unstoppable bullet train

Or are as muddied as trying to gain a clear view of sea life

While snorkeling in pea soup

The weight of my pajamas brings pain

Agony from every point of contact with the bed

Cozy blankets feel like sandpaper against my skin

Invisible icepicks stab randomly at my body

Where there's no pain

Tingling or numbness instead

Muscles randomly twitch and jump

Sudden weakness and I loose grasp of what I hold

The room whirls

I'm dizzy even lying flat

When I walk haltingly down the hall

I feel for the wall to keep my balance

At least I don't have hives tonight

Something to be thankful for in this moment

They come and go, here nearly as often as not

I'm glad they have not chosen to visit right now

How can I feel ravenously hungry

And nauseous all at the same time?

The thought of food turns my stomach

Yet I crave something to eat, just don't know what

My limbs feel like lead

The weight packing onto my body

Because I cannot tolerate the simplest of exercise

Only compounds my frustration

Movement saps limited reserves

I try to lie still; it works for a moment

Before waves of pain tip the scale

I writhe to keep from crying out

Every breath an effort

Not “pain” exactly, a distinct heaviness

Exhausting to push chest in and out

Would be easier not to inhale

Depressed? Want to die?

No!

Just putting my reality down on paper

Rather than wearing my loved ones out with my complaints

My nemesis has been given many titles:

The belittling “Yuppy Flu”

A pathetically nondescript “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome”

The slightly more accurate mantle of “Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome”

And after nearly 20 years of this living nightmare

Finally a name that gives credence to the seriousness of my condition

XAND – Xenotropic murine leukemia virus-related virus Associated Neuro-immune Disease*

Who would have thought I would find affirmation

Even relief, in testing positive for a life-altering retrovirus?

It's the validation that brings me gladness

I've been sick all along...

And now IT has a real name

*Since the original writing of this poem, HGRAD, standing for Human Gamma Retrovirus (HGRV) Associated Disease, seems to be the more scientifically correct name, replacing "XAND" as "XMRV" was not originally well named from a technical standpoint, being a clearly human virus, rather than murine (mouse) in nature.

© Copyright, Jennifer Saake, 2010

Dedicated to the researchers at the Whittemore Peterson Institute

Update, February 2011:
This poem has placed in the top 20 in a worldwide poetry contest at InvisibleDisesases.com.

Being Made Perfect

Remember a couple posts back where I talked about theme words God seems to work in my life?  Perhaps I posted a bit prematurely for God seems to be moving me into yet another new season. Or perhaps I didn't post "too soon," but rather this update simply acknowledges God's continual working in our lives.

On my InfertilityMom blog I recently admitted my perfectionistic tendencies. Since then I have been slowly, imperfectly (as in not every day, not consistently, not to my exacting expectations of what good Christian "quiet time" or "devotional" time should look like - gasp) working my way through Biblical references to the word "perfect". There have been days where I've humbled and challenged by the process, and times when this study has been quite liberating.

Amazingly, I've been excited and surprised to see how closely my word study on "perfect" falls hand-in-hand with all I'm learning as I work on writing this book on the life of Paul. I never would have imagined that one study would have anything to do with the other when I started battling perfectionism less than two months ago, but it's been great to see all Paul had to say about perfection.  Today, as I was tweaking some things in my book introduction, I was stunned to realize that a key verse I had chosen months ago for the opening section of the book is one that falls right into my study on perfectionism:

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
- Philippians 3:12 (NIV)

I love it when God so beautifully orchestrates and intertwines so many different aspects of my life, all to teach me more about Himself and His loving, personal grace toward me. I'm so looking forward to sharing more about God's views on perfection as I unfold Paul's story for you through the book!

Making Progress

I had a delightfully "unplugged" weekend away with my family at my in-law's cabin in the woods. I slept a LOT, read, rested and refreshed. Yesterday I had a few quiet hours to think and pray and words started flowing. I grabbed a pencil and notepad and wrote about half a chapter for the new book. Writing can be physically and mentally draining for me, but when it flows like that, it's so emotionally recharging. I'm feeling so excited about unfolding Paul's life with you all! Thank you to everyone who is praying me through this process. :)